dietingcyster

It's been a while.....

2008-10-29T23:25:48Z

Wow it's nearly a fortnight since I posted, it's flew by! In that time I've had my fertility specialist appointment, got my first period in 6 months, turned 25 and joined the gym :o)
Fertility Specialist appointment probably couldn't have gone much worse, but actually I predicted what they'd say pretty much word for word so whilst I'm disappointed I'm not surprised.
Despite having ?PCOS (they "can't rule it out") and amennoreah (therefore not ovulating!) I have to go away and keep trying to TTC for another 12 months before they'll even consider Clomid.
She took more bloods and asked OH to do another SA and will see me again in 3 months. (why?? they quite clearly aren't going to do anything!)
I asked her about Metformin and was told "not at this stage"
Basically "f*ck off, lose weight and in a years time we might think about helping you if it hasn't already happened"
The only good thing to come from the appointment was the acknowledgment that I did have a miscarriage in April despite the GP saying (all 5) tests were false positives.
On the 24th my period arrived, I was so freaking excited lol. Unfortunately after such a long absence the witch seems quite settled and shows no signs of leaving!
On the 25th I was 25! I was so spoilt, I got lots of lovely pressies and in the evening we had friends over for a meal and drinks and us girlys got very drunk and the lads tried to pretend we weren't with them lol. I suffered on Sunday though, the hangover was monumental but I was over the worst by tea-time :o)
Tuesday the 28th was my gym induction, I think I'm going to really enjoy it!
During November my friend and I are doing a 10 pound challenge, weighing in on the 1st and last day of the month and setting mini goals including:
1) Drink 2 litres a day (I am so bad with keeping fluids up!)
2) get my 5 a day
3) 2 SMALL portions carbs a day
4)30 mins exercise 5 days a week
5) stay off the scales between weekly weigh ins!
I'm sure we'll do it no problems :o)
I'm sure there was sothing else I needed to write in here but I can't remeber what it is lol.
I'm going away for the weekend so will update the middle of next week X

Weekend goal

2008-10-17T14:41:42Z

is to drink more! Seriously I drink less than a litre of fluid every day (coffee, juice, diet coke) so my goal for this weekend is to have 2 litre jug of sugar free cordial made up every morning and drink that on top of my normal fluid consumption. I know when I do this my skin looks better too so thats the challenge I've set for myself. I managed it yesterday, I'm halfway there today, piece of piss! Its just a matter of setting my mind to it.
I made a ham salad for tea last night, it was very pretty with all the colours I had to take a pic (ok so the pic is rubbish coz it was taken on my phone under a fluorescent light but you get the idea....!)
So we have little gem lettuce, tomatoes, cucumber, red pepper, sweetcorn, grated carrott, beetroot and salad onion, pearl potatoes (why are they called that?) and ham.
The coleslaw was made with natural yoghurt instead of mayo but actully it was vile so I didn't eat it.
Yesterday I had some spotting (OK so I must be like the only person in the world to get excited at having a period lol) but nooooo mother nature is f*cking with me and it is still 129 days since my last period *sigh*
Ah well 4 days from now I might have some answers!
Tonight we are having curry, its Be Good To Yourself stuff and I'm having it with brown rice so its not tooooo bad. OH will be having korma with pilau rice so really I am being good as I think I know what I would prefer!!! No popadoms or naan bread for me either! but seeing as its the weekend I will have a small glass of wine :o)
I'm off to some exercise now.....

Feeling blah!

2008-10-16T13:47:08Z

Well yesterday was baaaaaaad! Not diet wrecking bad but I seriously didn't feel full no matter what I ate! I had breakfast (Weetabix and banana) then 2 jaffa cakes then veg soup then a boiled egg then a chicken sandwich on brown bread then grapes then kiwi fruit then raisins - I just couldn't stop eating!I made OH take me out for a few hours to take my mind off eating which helped a bit but I still had a packet of baked crisps while we were out. When we got home I had a small portion of pasta with chicken and arabiata sauce followed by a highlights mousse and 2 jaffa cakes! Ugh!! Total fat consumption - 31grams so not bad as none of it was really evil but there just did not seem to be a time when i wasn't eating!
Today I am seriously feeling shit! I sneakily weighed myself this morning (my bad!) and I've lost 2lbs (woot!) I now weigh 280lbs exactly. I have 70lbs to lose before the doctor will take me seriously and help me TTC (I don't know this I'm just assuming) but I am soooo dreading her telling me this on Tuesday. I am worrying myself stupid at the thought of never being a mama :o(
I'm going to go on the trampette for half an hour today, I've not been brilliant exercising this week (some is still better than none though, right?)
Arghhhhhhhhh I just feel like shit!!!!!

It's going great!

2008-10-14T11:35:58Z

Well I have 114lbs to lose, ugh but I'm still really positive!
I've been eating really well, we even went out for a meal for OH's grans birthday last night and I had potato shells (no filling) and 2 mouthfulls of canneloni. I wasn't even tempted by pudding or birthday cake but I did have 1 after dinner mint with my coffee. I felt rather proud of myself!
I'm still waititng fo my gym membership to come through but I've been doing exercise DVD's and going on the treadmill.
Saturday mornings are my Weigh In's andI'm hoping I've lost a fair bit of water (and maybe even 1lb or 2 of fat!) for my hospital appointment next Tuesday!

Its nearly D-day

2008-10-09T19:31:40Z

Tomorrow morning I am off to buy some electronic scales. I have a feeling I have between 112-120lbs to lose.
I am also seeing my GP to get a referral to the nutritionist to find out how to cut my carbs down.
The shopping is being delivered too, lots of fresh fruit and veg.
I'm good to go!

In the beginning......

2008-10-08T18:38:01Z

I've started this blog as a way of recording my journey through PCOS and all that goes with it, however it will contain other bits and pieces of my life too.
Me and my other half (OH) have been together for coming up to 3 years and I've been going on about having a "wimble" for ages, he finally agreed when we were Christmas shopping for my (as then unborn) nephews in 2007 and I made the appointment for my contraceptive implant to be removed in the January of 2008.
I started folic acid the same day I had the implant removed, My period (AF) arrived a few days later and I worked out my cycle was 32 days which was fine up until April 2008, we were on holiday and I was really sick, AF was 2 weeks late and I tested on the 23rd and got 5 's lol.
OH was amazing, he was so happy but on the Friday I was really crampy and started bleeding. I spent the weekend on another planet, I couldn't believe how much I grieved for the idea of a baby. On the Monday I was on the way to the doctors when my brother rang to tell me I had twin nephews. I have never in my life experienced such conflicting feelings
To add insult to injury the doctor was worse than useless and I came away feeling so alone and a total failure. She was also adamant that I'd got false positives (5 of them from 3 different brands!) as her POAS test was negative. She told me to keep trying and sent me on my merry way.
After that the very last thing on my mind was TTC and when AF arrived on the 10th June I wasn't at all surprised but told OH I was going to start using OPK's again that cycle. That's been a bit of a non-starter It has now been 4 months since I last had a period!
I went to the GP (a different woman this time!) back in August and she was brilliant, ordered bloods and took swabs, the 1st lot of bloods came back with raised oestrogen so she repeated them but they came back normal the second time. Everything was normal on the swab too but whilst she was doing that I had some blood stained Cervical Mucous which she hoped was the start of AF but I've never seen any evidence of any bleeding....
The next step for me was an ultrasound scan which showed lots of cysts on my ovaries. GP diagnosed PCOS on the 27th September 2008 and right now I'm struggling to get my head around it OH has been great, when I was diagnosed he stayed up with me til stupid o'clock, crying and talking. The next day OH's mam rang and she said just to let you know OH's cousin and his wife are expecting again, I felt like she'd punched me, it was so out of the blue and casual and I was already feeling like shit! I just said "oh well, here's OH" and walked off crying(she didn't have a clue we were even trying) OH told his mam and she rang me back, crying and apologising and offering to come over and saying if she'd known she'd never have mentioned it etc. and what could I say but its OK. She asked questions and I immediately put my "nurse head" on and answered them, yes they are able to control it, there's always the chance I can still get pregnant, the gynae referral is going to take 8 weeks, they'll probably do more tests and an op to have a better look inside etc and in being "professional" about it I started to feel a bit better. Despite being a nurse I have no experience of PCOS and have found the soulcysters website to be invaluble.
Luckily the appointment for the infertility clinic come through sooner than I thought and we are now seeing Dr. Lloyd on the 21st October, 4 days before my 25th birthday. OH also had to have a semen analysis done, so they know what they're working with. It came back - count 68million, motility 75% but morphology is only 4%. I know it takes just 1 healthy sperm and he has almost 3million but its kinda irrelevant when there's no egg to aim for At the moment everything is against us having a wimble but that doesn't mean we're going to give up. Trying to Conceive (TTC) a child is an emotional rollercoaster, made worse for me because of the depression and anxiety I suffer from - a symptom of PCOS. Another side effect I suffer from is obesity - its chicken and egg, obesity exacerbates the symptoms of PCOS but PCOS makes it difficul to lose weight *sigh* I have 112lbs to lose and this week I've started a diet. I will record the sucesses and (hopefully not too many) failures here. I have asked my GP to refer me to a nutritionist to advise me about cutting down on carbohydrates - I'm a carb addict so it won't be easy! I'm dreading my Gynae appointment as I know she's just going to send me away to lose weight and I will feel fobbed off